I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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