He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
