We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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