new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
