Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
