My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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