Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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