Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
