erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
