im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
