My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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