Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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