everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
