if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
