who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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