DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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