Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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