Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
