yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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