I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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