as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
