well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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