You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
