I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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