i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
