I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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