Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
