And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
