Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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