did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
