I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
