Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
