why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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