I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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