Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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