is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
