I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
