My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
