i was rollin on her like bob the builder
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
