you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
