i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
50% drunk capacity currently
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
