Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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