I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
