I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
