I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
