Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
