Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just gift wrapped bread.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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