now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
