He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
