she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
