she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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