I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
