actually, I'm a sock model
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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