So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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