He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
