i don't like sucking hair
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
