I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize