Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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